Video Strip Poker Supreme
key review info
- Game: Video Strip Poker Supreme
- Platform: PC
- Gamepad support: N/a
- Reviewed on:
- Show system requirements
There is probably a good chance some of you will wonder whether I am insane, or somewhere in the vicinity. Otherwise what reason would it be for me to review a poker game with nudity in it? Well, I believe I am perfectly sane, and there's little to nothing in this game that made me have second thoughts about playing it. I am sorry if it does contradict some video game "dogmas", but there is nothing I can do about it.
Some of you will probably argue that this genre should not receive the honors of your average PC game, but this kind of judgments would probably have something to do with ethics. However, by their nature, games have little to share with such things as morality.
Indeed, people get undressed in this game, and I'll be damned if this isn't what you are expecting to happen (Though, it might be a narrow view, since I know little about women's tastes on women).
Technically speaking, what we have here is a typical solitaire game, the one we desperately scout for in our "perilous" (if caught) idling moments at the office. All for the better, if you are into the Playboy-Poker mix.
Against what strip poker games have shown us over the years, Torquemada's solitaire poker leans towards the traits of life-style magazine sacrificing the straightforward porn appeal. However, with all the efforts put in it, the game still has some of the old-school stereotypes in it. And they - unfortunately - only ruin the fresh, classy first breath of the game.
The "smooth horny talk" simply does not accomplish anything. A good collection of self-irony would have made this gizmo a firework fest, but the developers did not have the guts to try out the new stuff (in other words, old) tricks on the market (e.g. Hustler, Playboy). Too much mature content in a solitaire game which may span over one hour a day might melt the brains of the feeble. And we all know how feeble we are after a full day's work in front of a PC A little wisecrack here and there would have lightened up my day. Well, maybe there will be a sequel or a new set of spirited models.
Even if it misses the essence of solitaire games: entertaining, the strip part works rather niftily.
We all know too well the overflow of strip poker games lurking around, waiting to be fetched by us, the all-predictable, women-obsessed dudes (in the developers' view, that is). Amidst this lot, Torquemada - even though it does not reinvent the wheel - it tried to offer an improved game design: high end video quality, a little more interactivity and multi-language support. To date, this is probably the only user-friendly strip poker game, and one of the few of its kind that deserves to be classified as a solitaire game. Do not take my word for it, though as it is logically equivalent to admitting that I went through a whole bunch of these games, which would be false.
Admittedly, the strip concept is relatively common amidst solo poker games. If one cannot play for cash, he at least might win some eye-drops in the form of digital nudity - to be read as decent nudity. Although, if you play better than the average, the gyroscope of five hot opponents: April, Denise, Gina, Monica and Sonia may begin working a little faster than expected. However, in the good spirit of fanatic religiosity, your opponents will behave just nicely throughout the entire card clash without trespassing more than one kilometer the borders of *Unnamed confession's* dogmas. I mean, had these ladies done the same things they do in-game during the European Middle Ages, they would have certainly received a big Anchor from the grand inquisitor, mark of a stellar performance. Really!
On the other hand, even though I had no problems in keeping up with the dialogue lines popping in my face (oh, my poor eyes!), the text itself (at least in English) was far from anything closely related to what one would imagine as being sensual, a very sad thing and a painful blow to the quality of the game overall... Tragic, isn't it?
The playing style is the traditional draw type, where if I win (she loses - as circular logic usually works). And because she is always keen to continue playing, her approval for selling me some of her lingerie pieces for a small amount of "Sci-fi, in-game currency" will follow shortly. And, of course, as an honorable (read: grateful) player that I find myself, my duty is to approve this exchange, accordingly. Oh, there isn't any underwear-harvesting farming contest, if you get my meaning. For some odd reason, the eye always yearns for something new and nubile, and your opponents are rather happy to give you a hand, conveniently playing with their boobs behind your screen.
In other news, Video Strip Poker Supreme is not a serious poker game for heavy-duty poker vets. The game is severely tweaked in the good sense of strip poker games. Your randy opponents usually express judgments about their hands: "Omg! Such an awful hand, Yoda received, he has", or "I am so going to kickass", and even "I am good let's just keep playing". The rate of "omg4ever" hands may be driven through a consistent series of wine gulps from crystal chalices. (Dude, if they had filled those "recipients" with some good ol' Merlot, the poor girls would not have stood a chance!)
Here is where "strip strategy plays" an important role: the "ace strippers" ask for more Star Trek credits then their fellow kittens. The same goes with "bribing" your opponents for a short sneak-pick under their bullet-proof bras. The "elite" are as greedy as they could get. Whereas, for some twisted reason of mine, I fancied the "amateurs" better.
Now, do not let yourself misled into believing that wining would be hard. The game is rather well balanced if you let patience be the master of your reason. At any rate, winning against your fellow poker players enables the complete playback of the entire striptease scene forever. So there is no need to get anxious about saving your progress. The game won't be automatically saved at the beginning of a particular stage, though. Quitting requires you to head back to the start.
I'd rather not describe the voice acting. Holding my neck very tight I would have far better reproduced a nymphet's voice. The voice acting encapsulates with Swiss precision what that actress was actually looking towards: to get the heck out of there a.s.a.p. provided she grabbed her check in the process. Or I might be wrong and it was the other way around: she actually gave her best... now that's a grizzly thought.
In better news, thanks to this embarrassing situation, I could take my time listening to the gritty music themes in the background: therapy in a jar, and nothing else.
The drawback is the slim selection of opponents. Maybe time will solve these problems. But, for now, you will have to content yourselves with only five. So do not make any plans for a poker championship, yet.
Another problem - as my girlfriend noticed - is with the ladies' clothing. The dudes should have left the "equipment" choice to the girls as they know better how to dress themselves. Go figure!
Otherwise, the GUI is pretty well designed, but it fades and passes unnoticed next to the footage quality. I was struck dead on my chair - never seen something so painfully crystal clear (720px wide DVD) in a strip poker before.
In addition, the director did a pretty good job with the lighting. Every object looks like it should. The shadows do not shiver in the wrong spots like "mature-content" filmmakers foolishly allow to slip into their scenes. And you won't have the unpleasant surprise to notice a gash, a bruise, or God knows what on any of the actresses' legs, or hips.
The boss key was not forgotten. But its functionality is awkward. Returning to the desktop, it will keep the in-game resolution. Moreover, an explicit icon is shown in the in-tray. Therefore, all of you job idlers will have to work your way a little through your Windows settings if you wish to attend this issue.
Video Strip Poker Supreme is - despite its shortcomings - the result of a solid effort to deliver a truly "striptastical" event in my short lifespan. I give it four hours of chewed time at work and highly recommend it as a replacement to any cultural diversity program that multinational companies shovel through our already stuffed necks.
I am not a gambler myself, nor do I fancy card games, but sometimes a man has got to do what a man has got to do. And guess what is better than solo poker? A good answer is worth eight hours of doing nothing at the office.
Like I said, there is an endless debate on where the game definition starts and ends. Treat Video Strip Poker Supreme as a solitaire game and things will be just dandy. Approach it as a porn source, and you'll be seriously disappointed. Of course, I might as well have an ill conceived view over in-game nudity. My bad, if you feel I am too liberal in my judgments. Everyone is free to decide what is and what isn't healthy for his mind, or for his brains.
To be honest, I didn't ever think that I'd let a game's flaws take such a backseat role to presentation when forming an opinion about it though.